I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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