Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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