whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
