I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
