There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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