I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
