Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
