You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
