You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
