happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
