took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I will pee on everything he values.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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