Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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