I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
