you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
