Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize