Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
