Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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