Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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