You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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