# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
