don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
