so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
