the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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