I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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