a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
