Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
