i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
