tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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