When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
