Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Found the puke drawer
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
