Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
