Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
