There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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