Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
