I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
