i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
