i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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