My first STD was from a foam party
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
