i was born a porn star she said
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
