My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize