Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
