someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
