Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
