you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
