Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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