so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
