Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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