Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
