how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
