the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
