it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
