No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
