The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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