he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
