Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Shame - the story of my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
