I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
