Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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