please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
