And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
