She is in my trunk
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
