she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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