God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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