Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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