never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
