she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
