bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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